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Q&A: Are Kinky People All Non-Monogamous?
Q&A: Are Kinky People All Non-Monogamous?
#Kinky #People #NonMonogamous
“Loving BDSM”
A kinkster feels like the only nonmonogamous person in their local kink community and it’s starting to bother them.
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I’m very new to the kink community. I joined the week before this year. I was in a monogamous marriage for 16 years and I stumbled across Fetlife when I was looking for things to try out to explore my sexuality. My husband had kink shamed me the entire time we’ve been together. I’m all for the couple deciding what works best for them.
Right now, I’m not in a position where I can give anyone a fair chance of a relationship with me. I have to take care of myself and my children. I have a playmate. He encourages me to play with other men when he isn’t available. Which is very odd to me, but also reassuring because I am a free woman.
I believe that each couple, no matter what their type of relationship is, should be respected. I tell people that I am an owned woman when I don’t want to be flirted with. I am honest and say I am taken. I don’t say that he’s fine with me being with other men unless I am attracted to them.
As for friendship? Have a male friend who I know wants to sleep with me. He is very sexually attracted to me. I’m a goddess after all. I do not reciprocate the feelings. I am honest and I make jokes with him. He is my OF content approval team. He is paid in free content, and my friendship. It’s a very strange relationship, but it is a lot of fun and he protects me from the creepers.
We all have to put ourselves out there to find our tribe. I feel lucky to have found mine.
While the letter writer got a lot of things wrong I can say that I get the underlying frustration. I've been involved in kink for nearly a decade and as soon as I say I am monogamous, I am very often dropped by potential partners or told that my opinion is no longer valid in a lot of conversations that have nothing to do with monogamy/nonmongamy because I am "not truly into kink" as a monogamous person (this is both in online spaces and at various munches around the country because I moved a lot). I even tried to be nonmonogamous for a while before deciding that it wasn't for me and it has been insane how much I've basically had all opportunities for scene partners or relationships with a fellow kinkster absolutely dry up when I went back to monogamy.